Clearer Dimensions
by GPR
Summary: Buzz often likes to sit on the windowsill at night. It gives him time to think. Buzz's POV on why he and Jessie never quite got together until now. Buzz/Jessie.


I thought about this and just had to write it :) I got a Bullseye and Jessie authentic film replicas for doing well in my GCSEs :) enjoy!

GPR

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I don't quite know what causes me to levitate towards the window every night. I feel draw to it, almost as thought the starry sky beyond has hypnotised me into this tranquil trance. Perhaps it's the serenity of it all after the clamour and chaos of the day. I'm not really one for the attention and zealousness the day brings, not like Woody- sure I'll take the leadership role but that's what I was trained to do, especially in situations which require it. It's not something I enjoy, though, not like him. I know I'd happily spend my days up here, out of the way on this old windowsill debating the meaning of a toy's life, or just trying to comprehend the true meaning of infinity. I much prefer this to sorting out everyone else's problems- they forget I have my own too.

I know I was over confident and proud before I knew the truth… about being a toy, that is. Nothing really fazed me beforehand and then… I realised I was just a toy. It's something terribly hard to comprehend, especially when you believed you were a human… to go from thinking you're one of a kind, with a real identity that's yours, and yours alone to this… I must admit, it destroys your whole perspective on things, such as life and death.

Effectively, I'm a clone. One of billions… unlike Jessie, who's essentially the only version of herself, completely unique- almost like a human. No one talks like her; no one walks like her, looks like her… thinks like her- unlike me. What makes me remotely special when there's a million other versions of me walking around? Nothing, really…

I guess that's why I really like it up here. I don't have to contend with anyone. I don't have to talk, I don't have to keep up this wall which holds my emotions in check, I don't have to stutter and stall every time I catch a glimpse of those captivatingly, brilliantly green eyes… I can just still up here and contemplate things I know the other deluded clones of me won't. In a way, it's me just trying to find out what makes me different to all the others… It's a rare chance to figure out the small things which make me… me. Like… what's my favourite colour? How many stars are in the sky? Do toys have a God? Do we have a haven? Do I believe it? Why do we have consciousness? What's my favourite movie? How old am I really?

The latter I worked out to be 15. Jessie's nearing her mid 30s I think…

I feel the heat rise in my cheeks suddenly. Technically, in human terms, I'm not even an adult, just an awkward teen with these phenomenally complex feelings for a much older woman- old enough to have a kid my age. She doesn't, though. We're just toys. In toy terms, I'm programmed to think and look like a man in his mid thirties would do. Jessie's stuck with the looks and naivety of an 18 or 19 year old, so I guess either way you look at it, one of us has to be older. I guess it balances out somewhat.

Being in the mindset she is, though, Jessie probably doesn't care much for love nor the trivialities of life like I do… at least I don't think she does. She's just happy to be alive, living in the moment… I admire that, and envy it.

My eyes flutter closed as I try to imagine her face… her perfect eyes haunting me like nothing else matters… as though they're the only things I should think about…

"Buzz?"

My eyes snap open, and she's there, standing slightly to the side of me on the windowsill. Her gaze is a mixture of concern and curiosity.

I must look like an idiot staring at her with my big mouth hanging open enough to catch flies. I try to say something, but my mouth's dry, as ever, and I can't quite tear my eyes away from hers. I just sit there dumbly, opening and closing my lips, but no words ever come out.

"You okay?" she finally asks, eyebrow raised, hands on hips and gazing down at me.

"I… uh…" when I finally stutter out the words they're a slurred mishmash of drivel, "…you… here? I…I…t-thinking…I… m-mean I w-was thinking…"

I stop, trying to order my thoughts.

"You…surprised me…" I breathe as she absentmindedly plops down onto the sill beside me, hugging one leg to her, hanging the other out the window.

She chuckles lightly, something I hear every now and then in my dreams when I'm least expecting it. I'm embarrassed to say I usually wake up with my wings open when those dreams happen…

"I figured I did," Jessie grins mischievously at me, a slight twinkle in her eye which causes me to flush redder than I already am, "You ain't stuttered around me since the dump… or maybe you were thinking about something naughty?"

She laughs silently at this.

"W-what?" I stammer, cursing myself.

"Well, most people go red when they're caught red handed thinkin' about sommat they shouldn't be." She leans in close to me, moving the air with her, and I catch the familiar mixed scent of cold air and grass she always seems to smell of these days. I guess it's because Bonnie plays with us outside more than Andy ever used to. Regardless, it's the smell I associate with her now…

"I…um… I wasn't thinking about much." I manage, trying to imagine how haplessly bashful I must appear to her.

She folds a leg underneath her, freeing her hands, which she uses to support herself as she leans back a little, "Oh Buzz…"

Her sigh catches me off guard. She sounds disappointed, and I can't help but feel a little dread creep in, "What?"

"I thought we'd gotten over all this stammerin and stutterin," she turns her head to look at me directly, leaning in closer than she's ever been before, "Don't tell me we took two steps forward only to go four back?"

"I…" I just look at her sheepishly, trying to find the words, but they just don't seem to be there. Her breath's on my face, and that's all I can think about, the proximity of her has my heart gripped in a deadlock. How can I ever express this to her? How can I ever tell her what she wants to hear?

Jessie raises an eyebrow, looking less than impressed. She draws away, and I lose all the heat and warmth she seems to irrationally radiate too soon. I lose the constriction in my chest all too quickly.

"Jess-" I can't stop myself, my hand reaches out to her waist.

It feels like someone took a match to my cheeks and ears when I realise what I've done.

She simply stares down at the hand on the soft curve of her waist. Then her eyes slowly meet mine, wide as though… expectant.

She's waiting for me, again… like she'd done for the past ten years…

And then it all makes sense. It makes sense why she never made a move, why she never said anything about her feelings to me for all these years.

I pull her close, my eyes heavy lidded as I move her across the small expanse between us until her thigh is pressed against mine, until I can feel the gentle heaving of her breast against my chest as her breath catches in her throat.

"Words don't do you justice…" I mumble into her ear, feeling her tense body. I can tell she's feeling what I usually feel… she's feeling the nervousness I get by simply talking to her…

I can feel the knot in my chest return, and I know she's feeling it too.

Her breathing quickens in a mixture of apprehension and longing. Our cheeks graze as I meet her eyes.

It all makes sense. Jessie's never… experienced this kind of love before… and neither have I. It's terrifyingly electrifying. Outside the coyness never shows, but inside she's in turmoil… just like me, only I've been openly terrified of what she does to me. I stutter and blush…

"Buzz…" her eyes are wide in questioning, and then I feel her hands rest on the front of my chest, her body losing some of its tension.

And then I do something I've only ever dreamed of.

My eyes flicker closed, her warm breath on my lips as I envelope her in my arms. Our lips brush together ever so lightly, and I feel her quiver against me in anticipation. I murmur her name into her mouth as I close the minute gap, feeling the soft warmth of her bottom lip between mine.

Neither of us move.

And then she makes a small sound, almost a moan of contentedness, as though something she's been missing for so long's been found. I grip her more fiercely, my leg slipping between hers as my hand travels down her thigh, pulling it up to my waist.

She leans back onto the windowsill, her arms sliding up over my back, dragging me down with her as she moans into my mouth, "Oh Buzz…"

Without thinking, my tongue runs along her lower lip, only to meet hers. Nothing ever tasted so good to me… nothing ever felt quite so satisfying.

Before long, the kiss turns more passionate than I'd anticipated.

She breaks away, crimson staining her usually alabaster cheeks. I lie there, gazing down at her…

"Jessie?"

The blush deepens. Silence follows. For a few seconds I think I got it all wrong, I think I've done and gone something disastrously stupid, and then she smiles shyly.

"I can't tell you how many times I dreamed of that."

The flush rises in my own cheeks, and then I realise I'm still on top of her. I shoot upwards, pulling her up with me as my cheeks feel like they're on fire.

We sit side by side quietly for an hour or two, glancing at each other often, cheeks still hot and flustered.

She smiles timidly, then places her hand on mine.

I take it, more bashful then ever.

She sidles up to me, curling under my arm, resting her head on my chest as she yawns.

And then it hits me, what makes me different.

I have her, and no other Buzz ever will do.


End file.
